Thursday, March 5, 2015

Worthless piece of amazing genius

The first month of OWL Publisher has ended and it has been an emotional roller-coaster. 
Still is. Some people may be naturally good at self management. I am not one of them. If I could find a job as a full time crafty illustrator for bookapps I would take it, but I don't believe such a description has ever appeared in want ads for jobs in Tel Aviv. One of my favorite memes reads "Your dream job does not exist, you must create it." Well, if I must... :)
 An interesting thing about being by yourself all day, is that whatever happens is the only thing that is happening. No human interaction, no other points of view, nothing else going on around you, no one knows what you are doing unless you post it. If something bad happens, there's no one around to help or support you. If it's good, there's no one around to smile at you or be impressed. Lucky for me, I am an introverted person by nature and have a pretty good internal support system. However, in this situation of complete isolation my system has become somewhat overwhelmed so that whenever something goes a little wrong I feel like a worthless piece of garbage, and every small success makes me feel like a super talented amazing genius. 
This was exciting for about a week but it became exhausting and time consuming, so I slowly developed a habit of shaking off the melodrama, be it a high or low, and moving on. Pretty soon I started getting moody and depressed. Ignoring my own inner voices made me feel much more alone than my physical solitude did. 
At the same time, I was trying to get some sketching done every evening for exercise. Bit by bit I started to notice my sketch ideas were being influenced by my emotional turmoil. I started using my sketching to bring out whatever I was repressing during the day and letting it breath and exist. One evening I drew a map that shows the way from the "city of boring work" to the "village of independent artists" and has all the dangerous places I'm afraid to get stuck in on the way. Now, this might look like a bit of a depressing map, but every journey has its challenges, and mapping out mine makes me feel much less intimidated by them. 

So, my map of dangers is really a tool for whenever I feel bad or off track. I try to determine where exactly on the map I'm stuck and how I got there. It may sound silly but it really helps! When I can't figure out what's bothering me, I start sketching to find out where I am. I clear a mental space for this task and draw whatever comes to my mind until it makes sense. When I'm finished I always feel like I just had a really good talk with a friend and learned new things about myself. The power of art is an amazing thing. So I think what I've mastered this month of February 2015 is how to be an independent creator working from home without losing my mind. Let me know if my map is helpful to anyone else!

Other things that are happening: I'm still learning to use the Kwik photoshop plugin to create my book and making more progress every day, I made the cover page, made a logo for OWL Publisher, found a great marketing consultant, and made some beautiful mugs in a collaboration with my amazing mother for the OWL Publisher gift shop that I am slowly creating stuff for :))
Goal for the end of March is to finally finish my first bookapp, and then the goal for April will be testing, fixing, getting an Apple developer licence and earning the name "OWL Publisher" by publishing! Stay tuned :) 

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